Mr. Newmark’s Trading Post

I’m not really sure what the real-life parallel would be to Craigslist. Maybe a flea market where there are sections for casual encounters and missed connections. And everyone is wearing masks. And they might be robots. Or Nigerian princes. Or both.

Musical Instruments

I make some spare change by buying and selling guitar-related stuff through Craigslist, eBay, and various internet forums. It’s a fun way to mess with a lot of different doodads and gadgets. I also like trading items. No stops at the ATM, no trying to figure out if the money is fake or just crisp, and no counting bills.

I do not, however, like people offering to trade me items such as the following:

Pokémon Cards

I appreciate that a teen is no longer playing a game where the main beady-eyed-gerbil-thing has a name that makes me think it’s a voyeur (Pikachu? Please don’t). I also appreciate that said teen is trying to graduate to a hobby that might land him a date with something other than a hand-held gaming system. That’s where my benevolence ends, though.


Who would want to take an expensive guitar and go meet a gun-wielding stranger? Vegan and liberal leanings aside, I still didn’t make the trade for the Remington hunting rifle with a scope so strong that I could “count a deer’s whiskars [sic] with it.” If I’m going to get shot, I’d like to at least see the person doing the shooting.

Trailer Hitches

It may have been a fair trade, dollar-to-dollar. But sir, I was wearing a cardigan and driving a four-cylinder Honda Element.

Men’s Jewelry

I was sporting a cardigan, not a blowout.


One thought on “Mr. Newmark’s Trading Post

  1. This is hilarious! I love your blog in general, but I also love the irony that had it been me, I would have most definitely gone for the gun and the trailer hitch, even if it wasn’t an even trade. What can I say? I wear cardigans, but I also sport a pink Browning sticker on the back of my SUV behind which I regularly tow things.

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