Dog Vision

I spotted this slogan on a “bumper sticker” (I’ll explain the need for quotation marks soon) on a Toyota Tacoma on my way to work one morning:

“I wish I was the person my dog thinks I am.”

Not too clever, but a little thought-provoking: what would I be like if I was the person my dog thinks I am?

Olivia, the Humane Society Lab Mix Special. Named after the children’s book pig–note the ears.

First, here are a few ways in which I am very different from the person she perceives me to be:

  • Sitting down and shaking my hand is not always grounds for a treat.
  • I do not make it a habit to grab people’s tongues when they yawn.
  • If someone lays down on my floor and rolls over, my first reaction will not be to rub his or her belly.
  • I do not cheer “Good girl!” for just anyone peeing quickly and in the appropriate locations.

And here are a few ways in which I am exactly how she perceives me to be:

  • I am not okay with butts being dragged on my carpet.
  • I will not be happy when cleaning said carpet.
  • I think it is rude for someone to lick his or her hindquarters next to the dinner table.
  • I do not appreciate sucker-punch-style kisses from said rear-lickers.

The truth is probably somewhere in between.

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