Secret Ingredients

CONTAINS: SARCASM.

I understand the hassle of ingredient checking. I hate sifting through tiny print for non-vegan ingredients like casein, whey, gelatin, and rennet. There are a lot of non-vegan items that aren’t obviously non-vegan: Skittles, Frosted Mini Wheats, and Guinness (a heartbreaker).

Still, I don’t grab a pack of turkey sausage or box of Cheez-Its and check the ingredients. Because the name of the food gives it away.

So why does this:

need this caveat:

?

I understand the severity of food allergies. But I still raided the fridge and pantry in disbelief.

Peanut Noodles have peanuts

Soymilk has soy

My wife's half and half has milk

Apparently we can thank the FDA for this (FALCPA). The same group that allows up to 30 insect parts per 100 grams of peanut butter requires that Skippy remind customers that Skippy peanut butter contains peanuts.

Maybe someone at the FDA is trying to limit potential material for The Darwin Awards.

I’d like to see some consumer-submitted additions to the “Contains” list.

CONTAINS: Gross.

CONTAINS: Insomnia

CONTAINS: The power to make you ignore the real ingredients.

Note to consumers: this blog does not actually contain piss or vinegar.

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One thought on “Secret Ingredients

  1. Everything you write is so funny! This reminded me of my mother. She used to read the ingredients on EVERYTHING at the supermarket… she’s not so bad anymore. šŸ™‚

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